Digressive Ramblings

Hi my name is Michelle and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and dieting and the small amount of fat that resides on my mid section. There is something empowering and depressing about this all at once. It's empowering because I recognize it and I can sometimes remember it and control my brain, but it's depressing because I'm sure it's something that will only be fixed by therapy and time and I don't want to put in the work. Also, as a MO it's really one of the few vices I get... and really there are worse vices. As some of you know I was in the running to be on a infomercial. With it came food delivered to my door (no eating out of the box!) and 6 day a week, butt kicking bootcamp classes. The food was pretty yummy (although left me very hungry) and I really enjoyed the bootcamp after the first week of being so sore I could barely move. But then things started going wrong. First, it was HARD to stay on track when people around me were e...

I have been feeling very uncreative lately- I don't know what it is, but as evidenced by my blog title I'm kinda lame lately.  So I've been as good at blogging as I have been sticking to my diet. It's so hard to give up carbs. SO hard! So what I decided to do is not kill myself. I'm going to eat a few of Chad's fries when we go out to dinner. I'm going to get a donut at 10pm when I've had a crappy day and I'm not going to stress over it. 90% of diet is still pretty good when I use to just eat carbs and sugar. In wedding news everything is SLOWLY coming together. I have a reception venue, a florist, a photographer... and according to the knot I only have 116 more things to-do, ugh! (72 have been completed though) I can't wait till I have more done then to-do. Anyway, I have some time, 108 days to be exact... I've kinda found my dress. I have a friend that wants to make a dress so what we're going to do is combine my favorite elemen...

I feel like I'm in a weird limbo. I'm in this middle ground right now. I'm waiting to find out where Chad is going to school so I know if I need to find a new job and move. I'm not really single, but I'm not married. Because I'm engaged no one really seems to want to be my friend, but because I'm engaged I don't really feel like I much fit in at the single's ward anymore. This is a very weird time. I don't really know if I can explain it properly. Just like I'm stuck between two worlds... and that I can't plan my transition properly. In other news wedding planning is frustrating and it takes a lot out of me to keep my thoughts, opinions, sassy remarks and brattiness in check while talking to people about it. My diet is rough. I have sugar cravings like crazy. I lost 3 pounds Monday-Thursday but then Friday for dinner I fell off the wagon, hard and then I stayed off till Monday. It's a hard diet to follow when you're not at...

UGH.  My friend warned me that the first week would be tough. Today has been the worst day of the bad week. All I want are the two things I can't have. Sugar and Carbs. I just want to sit down and eat pasta and bread and candy till I explode. Okay past that I'm too busy at work... for now...

1. This blog might quickly turn very wedding and diet focused. For those of you opposed to that I say boo to you... this blog is about my life and that's what my life is right now. I don't think most of you will mind though because you're my good friends so you're interested in that right? Well be warned... those will start tomorrow and will most likely involve it would only happen to Michelle type stories so that's fun. But if you're not into it, I'll make the title clear so you can skip to all the other random stuff I'll post. 2. I am excited. I can't talk about much of it, but remember how much I say I hate my job? Well that might change, I am in the early steps of doing something about the hate. Yay me. Keep me and future in your thoughts/prayers. I just pray that I'll be happy with my job, that the right opportunities will present themselves and that if it's good for me and my future family (Chad) that it will work out. Please do the s...

After literally throwing crasins in my mouth rapid fire I'm finally able to admit that I have a problem. I am addicted to food- it is my vice. I have a friend who is an actual member of FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) and she has kindly shared with me their rules. Starting Monday I will be living them. Wish me luck, pray for me and give me pep talks because their rules are NO SUGAR NO CARBS. My friend has lost a good amount of weight on this and I plan on being just like her. She said the first week was rough but that it got better. I know it's going to be HELL for me, but I needs to lose weight. Not just for the wedding but for my happiness and sanity. I've gained weight and I see it in pictures and mirrors and how my clothes fit and I need something to help. I am thinking I will blog each day so you all can keep me on track and yell at me if I cave. Meal Plan: Breakfast 6am-8am 8 plain fat free yogurt 1 oz oatmeal 6 oz fruit Lunch 12 and 2 4 protein 6 coo...

Wow that's heavy huh? Maybe it's heavy because I have a lot of hopes and dreams for the next 365 days and I don't know what I want to share... maybe I'll just be vauge New Location- I love my parents, but I can't be living there much longer Stability- a lot of decisions are being made the next few months that greatly impact my life, that needs to calm down Gainfully employed- I would like to keep my job (lots of layoffs right now around here) or find a better one I'm super serious about my weight loss now. I track what I eat, I work out so I want to lose weight. Is that so much to ask? Love: I'm in love with an amazing person. He's perfect for me. My hope/dream/goal is that I don't screw it up :)

Well my birthday is about 6 months away and everything I can think of that I want for my birthday I should have by then... well except my Audi TT convertible and judging my diet for today I won't be the size 8 I want to be, but that's my fault and my lack of willpower... so I guess for my birthday I want willpower or to magically lose about 20 pounds...

I'm always setting goals (not always reaching them) here are a few I'm currently working on: read more- all types of books, i just bought like 6 CS/Management books size 8. I'm secure enough with myself to tell you all I'm mostly a size 10 sometimes a 12 and I want to get down to a always an 8 size. I'll never been super skinny and honestly I'll look like a freak if I do because of my GIANT HIPS AND BUTT, but I think 8 would be a good size for me :) in conjunction with the losing weight one I'm running and I want to do a 5k without stopping (hehe) then a 10k without stopping then a half marathon... without stopping That's it for now :)

I have been really bad at sticking to my health mandated diet for the last little bit. I just really miss meat sometimes. Anyway, due to not sticking to it and using my supplements too much I've just been feeling sick and not happy- well, happy about eating meat, but not happy because it made me all bloated and blah feeling. So this week is my cleanse. All week the only things I will eat will be food that I know I can and no supplement usage this week! So to make this happen I walked to the store today at lunch and got a bunch of things to put in a whole wheat pita. (Blah I just looked at the ingredients of my dressing and it has fish gelatin in it- less than 2% though...) and came up with this: So yum! Ingredients:  Whole wheat pita grape tomatoes Avocado slices Spinach Blend lettuce Basil  Clover Sprouts Mozerella (that wasn't made with enzymes!) and this "Veggie Mix" that contains radishes, jicama, celery, peppers and carrots (and may...

So I'm not very good at New Years Resolutions, but I seem to be good at Birthday (or after my birthday) resolutions so I thought I'd do that again this year... and now I'm posting it for the world to see to hold me accountable. Finish paying off all my debt (minus student loans- that's still like 5 yrs out) Size 8... it's only one size down I know I can do it! Use my passport for somewhere other than Canada (it's embarrassing that it's the only country on that) Run a 5k Run a 10k Be ready for the Disneyland Marathon (half?) Take at least a semester of Spanish... by my birthday I could be almost done with a 2nd semester. Love more. This may expand but it's pretty lofty right now!