Digressive Ramblings

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” -The Wonder Years Note to Self: Watch more The Wonder Years... seriously use to love that show. So, I use to be a lot more hyper... like crazy hyper. Like actually bouncing off the walls and crazy fun. Sometimes I still get that way... but I've mellowed out a lot lately. I use to think that I've lost a bit of myself... the whole selling out and chaining my soul to corporate America (great imagery for me here) killing my youth and fun... but I realized it's more growing up then it is selling out. ~ The trick is growing up without growing old. It's not like I'm not fun... I'm just more steady. F...

I've been thinking about death lately. Not in a morbid way but in a more curious way. It's more where is my life going to go? When is it my time to leave? Will I have made something of my life by then? I've always been the sickly kid in my family, in fact as I'm typing this I'm laying on the couch cuz I've been sick for the past 2 days. I've always had this odd suspicion that I wasn't meant to grow super old. Just sometimes it makes me wonder about the path my life has taken and what I've done with it. Ever wonder what happened to the person you use to be? Do you ever feel like as you grow up you lose parts of you, that you didn't want to lose? I mean I'm really happy to be rid of the crippling insecurity and the worry that I'll never be attractive to anyone. But time has worn me down a bit. I'm not as optimistic and I use to be and I'm just tired now. I use to be able to function on 4 hours of sleep and diet coke, now if ...