Digressive Ramblings

So the other week on Facebook I alluded to being a small part in a very wonderful thing. Now that I've taken some time to mull over it I think I can share a bit of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, I get really down on the world. I think people are just selfish, unfeeling and cold. That no one cares much about anyone outside of their immediate small circle. I feel like I see it daily in the news, on Facebook and all around me. It breaks my heart. The other day I was reminded that I was wrong. Thank goodness. To be honest (which if I can't be honest on my blog where the heck can I be) I have been incredibly depressed these last few months we've been in China. I'm lonely, (love ya Chad, but I'm an extrovert) I've been sick almost constantly and I just want to leave. I have been thinking about how the $760 plane change ticket might be worth it. A year is a long time to spend in a random Chinese town. Anyway, right at the depths of the depression someone name...

I am a very empathetic person. That sounds like a weird brag, "I am great at really feeling bad/sad/mad/happy for people", but I really am. I hate the idea that we can't brag about what we are good at in our society. I say this, but I also make fun of Chad when he brags about being super smart... I'm also a hypocrite. But, really when I make fun of Chad I will admit it is because I am 100% jealous. Maybe like 110%. I have never dated a guy I considered smarter than me till Chad. (Sorry any exes out there reading this... but really why are you reading my blog you creep? I don't do friendly breakups so you are straight up trespassing on my life right now.) Alright now that they're gone- back to me... So empathy. One of the ways I have learned to increase my empathy is to imagine myself in their shoes. Sounds easy right? Well I am an emotional roller coaster of a human so when I get in other people's shoes I get really upset if people aren't trea...

Sometimes I really think I care too much. It's a burden. Let's be honest we all have a friend on Facebook who we roll our eyes at when they post something about their pet thing. Maybe we get angry they post something AGAIN, maybe we laugh because they're posting something else. Maybe we just roll our eyes and unfollow them. I worry I am that person in all my friend's feed. My pet subject? Feminism.  I really wish I didn't care so much. I think life would be so much easier. Sometimes I get so jealous of my apathetic friends. The ones who just don't see the injustice or just don't care.  Sometimes it spews out past the general feminism issues into what (I hate that it is called this) some call "humanist" issues. When I see people being marginalized; I care. When I see people deciding to vilify someone because of their beliefs; I care. When I see someone post almost ANYTHING from Mr. X's blog; oh boy I care. (But really because his entire...

So our branch in church does this thing where there is an RS newsletter. It's so we feel more connected since there are many of us that live in a city by ourselves. I never really wanted to contribute to them, I don't know why, but since I visit teach the woman who is in charge of the newsletter when she asked me to write something I couldn't really say no. She asked me to write on the topic of what I am truly grateful for. While writing it I thought this would be a good thing to post on my blog since I haven't updated it in forever. So here it is! What I am truly grateful for:  One of the biggest struggles I have is that I suffer from depression; both seasonal and, at times, a mildly crippling case of just general depression. It can get to be very overwhelming for me and leads me to retreat from life sometimes. So one thing I am truly thankful for is the friendships I have made with my family members and with friends I have made all around the world. The hardest...

Hi my name is Michelle and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and dieting and the small amount of fat that resides on my mid section. There is something empowering and depressing about this all at once. It's empowering because I recognize it and I can sometimes remember it and control my brain, but it's depressing because I'm sure it's something that will only be fixed by therapy and time and I don't want to put in the work. Also, as a MO it's really one of the few vices I get... and really there are worse vices. As some of you know I was in the running to be on a infomercial. With it came food delivered to my door (no eating out of the box!) and 6 day a week, butt kicking bootcamp classes. The food was pretty yummy (although left me very hungry) and I really enjoyed the bootcamp after the first week of being so sore I could barely move. But then things started going wrong. First, it was HARD to stay on track when people around me were e...

So as I ride the train and read I start thinking about the stories I would put in my book so I started making a list. So to hold me accountable for writing them at some point I will now give you the list of topics I want to write on...   Dating in general Worst date in HS  Worst date in college  Worst date ever  Best date in HS  Best date in college  Best date ever  Childhood  First memory  Worst nightmare  Best day  Scariest thing  The day I found out I was chubby  High School  Day I realized I should just embrace me and not worry  My group of friends  How to decide what college to attend College  The beautiful butterfly  learning to love myself  My roommates  working in Logan UT  The internship politicking  Graduation Lost love Adult life First job Law school dreams and destroyed Botched Interview ...

This will most likely be a whiny post, so before I begin I want to say I am thankful that I have a steady paycheck that allows me to support the love of my life while he goes to school. I have an adorable dog who makes me smile and really compared to some life is just fine. That's my issue though... it's just fine. I'm sitting here completely demotivated... I absolutely hate my job... like more than I can express in words, but I think if anyone I worked with at Disney could see me and how I work now they would think someone body swapped me. I am always late, I just can't get out of bed to get here on time. I give the bare minimum; I didn't use to but you get so sick of hearing no and I'll consider it or I'll let someone know and then nothing happens. I'm rarely smiling, I let deadlines slip without caring. WHO AM I???? The number of times my Manager has flat out lied to my face is actually shocking- no pause no nervous look, but a flat out lie. It make...