Digressive Ramblings

This will most likely be a whiny post, so before I begin I want to say I am thankful that I have a steady paycheck that allows me to support the love of my life while he goes to school. I have an adorable dog who makes me smile and really compared to some life is just fine. That's my issue though... it's just fine. I'm sitting here completely demotivated... I absolutely hate my job... like more than I can express in words, but I think if anyone I worked with at Disney could see me and how I work now they would think someone body swapped me. I am always late, I just can't get out of bed to get here on time. I give the bare minimum; I didn't use to but you get so sick of hearing no and I'll consider it or I'll let someone know and then nothing happens. I'm rarely smiling, I let deadlines slip without caring. WHO AM I???? The number of times my Manager has flat out lied to my face is actually shocking- no pause no nervous look, but a flat out lie. It make...

In college I use to always make sure I checked Post Secret everyday. I loved it; the site made me laugh, cry and feel. I related to posts or I felt blessed because I did not relate. But then, over time I checked it less and less frequently- I missed it sometimes, the secrets were always interesting to me, but life got busy and usually when I thought of the site it was at all the inopportune times when I couldn't visit the site for a variety of reasons. But now that I'm at a job that isn't busy and usually the resources I need to do my job are almost always broken I have a lot of free time to browse the web. This has brought me back to Post Secret and I've found something has changed. I don't love it anymore and I don't know why. Is it Post Secret? I don't think so- why would the format change? Why would the secrets change? So I guess that means I have. But how have I changed? I don't think I've ever been too angsty as a teen or during my col...

Here's the essay I had to write for a job I was offered but turned down for my current job. It made sense- it was less pay and worse hours (overnight shift and graveyard) but sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I took this one instead... Anyway the question (in case you don't pick it up by the intro sentence) was what are you most proud of and why? As I have contemplated what I'm most proud of, it was quite difficult to pinpoint one singular thing. I just could not decide. Then finally it dawned on me, I'm most proud of me! I have done many things with my life that I'm proud of. I have moved across the country on a whim, based on a promising internship, knowing no one, something I had never done before. I have moved, but it was always with someone else. I always had a safety net to my adventures, but this time I didn't know a soul. During that internship I learned a lot about myself that I'm proud of. I learned how to be independent, that it...

Do not read this unless you have read this .... he's one of my musings that was perhaps meant for an intro... Everyone thinks that the worst thing in life is being picked last in gym class, but as a few of us can attest to it's not. The kids picked last- those are your Steve Jobs and Egdar Allen Poes of the world. They failed so significantly at gym (I assume) because they were destined for greatness. They were the first picks of the science and art worlds.They had promise. No the worst is being picked about 6th from the last. You're the best of the worst. The two uber jocks the teacher picked to captain the teams finally make their way to the end of the picking and you're still up there looking around and thinking, "seriously you'd rather her? The girl whose asthma prohibits her from moving quicker than a slow walk?" See being the best of the worst means you still care. I would stand there in the gym and think "I'm going to save the day in ...

I, along with probably everyone else, have always toyed with the idea of writing a book. So at different points in my life I have written small parts and bits and pieces of what my book would be about. Would it be about my dating shenanigans? Would it just be the story of a random slightly above average person's life? How about all the crazy dreams I've had (BORING)? Anyway, I thought maybe I would start sharing my excerpts on my blog because really, I don't have time to sit down and write an entire book, I just write snippets of thoughts while I'm on the subway in the notes app on my phone. So enjoy, and if you are an awesome book publisher and want to pay me to quit my job and write a whole book then leave a comment. I get email notifications for comments and I check my email obsessively so you'll hear back from me in no time.

I considered posting something about this subject earlier when it was first announced at general conference but I found so many other posts that expressed my feelings much more eloquently than I ever could. I thought that would suffice, but as I stand here on the subway trying to swallow the tears that just want to come, while I read President Monson's announcement, I realize I need to share. Do I know if this revelation had come a decade before if I would serve? No. I don't know if that would have been my path, but my hear breaks a bit that I never got the chance to decide. At 19 I was full of life and a sincere desire to understand the gospel. It's not that I lack that desire now, but some of my life experiences have ruined my child like faith a bit. I keep thinking what if. What if I went on a mission at 19? I know one of the worst things that ever happened to me would not be part of my past because I never would have been in Florida. On that note though, if I...

Tonight was a first for me! I am about 95% sure I saw a dead body tonight. Here's the story... I was walking to a grocery store today, the one that gives you 10% off on Wednesday nights and I passed a parked car. What was odd about this was that there was a lady in the passenger seat and she looked like she was passed out, but the car door was open. There was a bit of commotion around the car, but I didn't pay it much attention because I was on 125th, and if you have been to NYC you'll know that 125th is quite the commotion of a street. Lots of people, cars, loud noises, people milling around etc. So it didn't really register as anything to me. THEN after I passed the car I started thinking about the woman and how remarkably still she was. I was very impressed that she could sleep so soundly with the noise of the street, then I started to wonder if she was okay. I briefly considered calling 911 and having the police check on her, but there were a lot of people wal...