Saturday, November 15, 2008

Extensive mildew on the face of a recluse

I've been thinking about death lately. Not in a morbid way but in a more curious way. It's more where is my life going to go? When is it my time to leave? Will I have made something of my life by then? I've always been the sickly kid in my family, in fact as I'm typing this I'm laying on the couch cuz I've been sick for the past 2 days. I've always had this odd suspicion that I wasn't meant to grow super old. Just sometimes it makes me wonder about the path my life has taken and what I've done with it.

Ever wonder what happened to the person you use to be? Do you ever feel like as you grow up you lose parts of you, that you didn't want to lose? I mean I'm really happy to be rid of the crippling insecurity and the worry that I'll never be attractive to anyone. But time has worn me down a bit. I'm not as optimistic and I use to be and I'm just tired now. I use to be able to function on 4 hours of sleep and diet coke, now if I don't get my 8 I just am not sure what to do with myself. I guess you can just say that I'm growing up, but sometimes I just am not sure if that's what I want to do...