Tuesday, November 1, 2011

To err is human, to forgive divine


Hello friends,

Something has been weighing on my mind quite a bit and I thought maybe just writing it out would help. Since this is a personal thought, it’s on my blog, not the one Chad and I have.

 I am going to start out this post by saying that any rude comments will be deleted.

I write this here because I need advice, if you have any. I am not writing this to get others involved and wish no ill will to the offenders, but I’ve been upset for too long and I carry it around too much and it consumes me. I don’t want it to consume me anymore, but I don’t know how to stop it.

I am having a hard time forgiving two people in my life right now and I don’t know how to get over the hump. Because I don’t want to offend or drag anyone into my bias you’re only going to get basic fact:

Friend 1- said something very hurtful to me, which really struck a cord because it was hypocritical and cutting. There was very little base to it besides the gossip of others. It has made me not want to be a friend to that person anymore, but we have a long history of friendship and I don’t want to throw it all away, but it seems like it’s been far too long now to bring it up and that it hurt my feelings. But how do I forgive and forget? Is it worth it? Should I bother trying to preserve a “friendship” where I now believe that this person can’t possibly know me very well at all if they truly believe what they said to me?

Friend 2- did something that hurt me greatly. What they did has tarnished a very happy memory for me. I know for a fact they knew that what they were doing was going to be hurtful to me because they tried to keep me from finding out about it as long as possible. They also didn’t actually tell me, they let me find out through the grapevine. It’s not anything they can fix, nor did they try/consider to when other implied it might be upsetting to me.

How do I do it? How do I forgive? I don’t want to still be upset, I don’t want to immediately think about how they have hurt me every time I think of them, and I don’t want to have this angry wall up, but I’m at a impasse. I am no good at confrontation, and honestly I think in both cases it would do more harm then good.

I usually am quite good at forgiving and I don’t typically carry a grudge, so I guess I’ve never needed to really develop the talent of forgiveness very much so now it feels like it’s an impossible feat. Blah… any words of wisdom/ advice?

Friday, August 19, 2011

A new blog

So I haven't blogged in a bit.... Sorry! I've been so busy. I got married and it was AWESOME!!! I highly recommend it :) okay enough smug married talk here... We went on our honeymoon to the Dominican Republic, came home, loaded almost everything we own into a Ubox, Uhaul's POD service, put the rest of it in our luggage and flew out to New York a few days later. It was a whirlwind adventure to say the least, and once we're finall unpacked and living I'll post pictures.

We are in New York right now, living on a futon and eating off paper plates ( thank you Bruggemans!) until our stuff gets here. It has been pretty fantastic so far... But I'm ready to find a job and make money instead of spending it and being settled in.

Anyway, I'll be keeping this blog still as my own personal blog for my own randomness, but Chad and I are going to blog together at newlywedsinnewyork.blogspot.com so check that one more and follow it and whatnot.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm over it

So Chad is off in the woods, and has been for the past 24 so days. Can I explain just how over it I am? I don't like that I'm making all the final decisions without his input for the wedding. I don't like that he was not here to cuddle me when I was puking everything I ate for 24 hours. I don't like that he's not here to stop me from meddling in other people's lives. I don't like that when I have a nightmare I can't call him and have him talk me back to sleep. I don't like that when I can't sleep he isn't around to talk me to sleep. I don't like not having him with me when I go out to dinner, or a movie, or a friend's house. I don't like that I never hear from him.  I don't like that he's not around to be with me, cuddle me, hug me, laugh with me, talk with me.

UGH
It is a very good thing he comes home this weekend because I'm just so over him being gone.

OKAY WHINING OVER.

In 2 weeks exactly I will be exiting the LA temple married to Chadwick Steven McCombs.... yay!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

What happened to me?

The quick answer is I don't know. I just got a bit of blogging fatigue I think.

Here's a quick rundown of my life in the last little bit:
~Photographer DRAMA
~Horrible co-worker saying bad things about me
~Found a place to live in New York... but without Batman :(
~Chad is away at camp... and I miss him a ton
~Less than a month till my wedding!
~lost some weight
~got my hair all dyed for the wedding and it looks AMAZING (that's what the picture is of)
~my dress is looking like a dress now :)
~July's Saturdays: drop Chad off at camp, bridal shower, bridal shower/ cover band, baby shower/ pick Chad up, Wedding stuff!
~NOTHING new in terms of jobs... so annoyed
~Sleeping has been lame... as in I can't do it
~Massage tonight... yes!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Super Insightful

Hey Mormon friends (and those friends who want to raise their daughters with a more rigid moral code),

You should read this.... " Why Standards Night is Substandard".  I agree with the author... I think that the young women of the Church are sometimes given the short end of a stick and aren't communicated to properly.

Some of my favorite excepts include:

"A question welled in my throat, one that my neighbor might balk at. I asked it anyway. "Would you say Amy has power in her life?"
She looked uneasy, and I didn't blame her. Power is not a commodity we associate with Mormon girls and women. To our ears the very concept of power sounds worldly and corrupt, unless we're talking about priesthood power, which we qualify as exclusively masculine. But I wasn't talking about priesthood power, and I wasn't talking about the steel-fisted power of a political dictator or corporate mogul, either.
I tried to explain. "What I mean is, does Amy sense that she's in control of her own life? That she has the right and the ability and the opportunity to get what she wants and what she needs?"

"The balance sheet continued to change for me and my girlfriends as we emerged from childhood into womanhood. Our increasingly voluptuous bodies were reliable tools of status and control. The power was heady, but confusing, because wielding it always left us feeling empty and weak. And it was treacherous, because its force attracted not only the male peers we were aiming for, but also troubled stepfathers and leering strangers. But by the time we realized the perils, we'd grown dependent on this means of power. Of course it didn't yield true power, because it didn't originate within ourselves: it originated within the perceptions of the boys and men we hoped to entice. Yet in our economy of success, sexual attraction was the only currency we thought we held. And counterfeit money was better than nothing."

It's a great article. And my personal experience is this:  I was awkward and a late bloomer in high school. NO guy liked me... I didn't have to worry about sexual purity, because no one wanted anything from me. I got attention in school by being smart, and that taught me a lesson about myself. Then I went to college and that changed and I learned all about the womanly wiles of power over men. Then I had to get into the tricky area of sexual purity... but because this power didn't come until a sense of self-esteem and maturity developed and I had a sense of self- driven power. That's what saved me from Amy's fate... I'm sure of it.

Some of this is what I always tried to teach my girls at EFY when I was a counselor. That you don't need a man to prove you're strong and powerful... that YOU are a strong powerful person because of who you are.
So insightful...

Seriously- Ladies, Moms, Dads, everyone... read it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Stress in an image



This is my life. It might look like it's better than it is... I mean I only have 77 things to go and I've done 111- that's so good.... but then if you take a closer look it's a bit more crazy. First 51 days.... that's so stinking close sounding it makes me crazy. Second, everything in the pink/peach color... that means they're overdue- they should be done already. And some of those things like pick up invitations and ceremony (as in ring ceremony) haven't been done and they need to be.Third, some of the to do's that are already checked off are things like "think about what you want your colors to be", "decide on your colors", think about... etc. Also, a lot didn't apply to a Mormon wedding so I just checked those right off too.

Blah.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Math you need for real life

I was that kid that always asked when I would need to use the math I was learning in the real world. I detested the sample problems in the text book called "real life application" because in High School I knew I would never be going into Engineering nor would my job be to find the optimal viewing location of a theater screen. So I asked what I would need the math for.

After being a working professional for about 5 years I now know what math I need in my life and what was important for me to learn... please note that the math I HATED the most (negatives) is no where on this list.

  • Simple math- addition, subtraction, division, multiplication... if you can't do these basic functions it's just embarrassing. Learn how to do big numbers quickly, without your fingers and without a calculator. People will be impressed if you quickly tell them that 305+874 is 1179.
  • Quick Fraction to Percentage change- and visa versa. Your math teacher did you a favor if when you see .25 you know it is 25% or 1/4th. Be able to say a quarter when you see 25% and etc. That is key.
  • Ratios- I can't even say how many times I use a ratio. I am constantly writing 27/35=X/21 type equations all over my notes. So important
  • Finally the most important thing is Percentages. Know how to do percent changes, raw percents, how to look at 2 numbers and know how to find the percentage. Oh man. No one cares that purchases went from 782 to 934 they want to know that purchases increased by 19%. I seriously think they should spend a whole year on percentages in math.
  • Also- Excel. If you have an advanced knowledge of Excel you will go far.
Supposedly, when I buy a house and need to start decorating and whatnot I'll be happy that I learned all that geometry and stuff; I'm sure that's true... but it's not needed for my job. And I'm a firm believer that if I excel at my job I'll get lots of money and my interior designer will be the one that is concerned with the surface area of my dining room and the area of the living room.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

Chad and I have a LA bucket list since we're leaving this area soon. So this past weekend we wanted to cross a bunch of stuff off the list, so we did the following:


Ran into the ocean at sunset

I had pictures to share but for some reason they will not orient the right way and I'm too annoyed to fix it.

It was such a great weekend and I wish I could have a 3 day weekend every week. I'm much more productive in my personal life.

Now off to the woods for the Hansen (Chad's mom) family reunion... 4 days of awkward family time... yay!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I don't think any of you did this...

but if you did... sorry if this offends... I don't mean to offend, more just ask for tolerance...

Dear Mormon friends,

As a highly mocked and persecuted religion do you really think it is wise to mock the people who thought the rapture was this past weekend? You have a lot in common. Devotion to your beliefs, persecution for your beliefs, a general belief in a Savior, namely Jesus Christ and some beliefs that others outside the religion think are very silly, but you hold firm to.

That's all I'm saying.... let's put a check on the mockery and be a bit better than the people that mock what you believe.

I say this in love,

Michelle

also this isn't for the random, rapture is coming funny joke people...  I'm seeing some serious mocking out there... that's not right.

Monday, May 23, 2011

an ode to PostSecret

I, like most I'm sure, check out the PostSecret blog every week. This postcard to the left was posted this week. It's one of the most interesting post secrets I've read. I have the fun QR Reader app so I scanned those codes to see what it linked to. This one links to a text message that says, "You are beautiful". I really liked that. I was sitting here feeling fat and bloated and then I saw that, scanned it and smiled. I am beautiful. I am also lucky, blessed, happy, loved etc.  This was a nice reminder.

Then I went to go to the URL so I could link the image here... the page name was heartbreaking. It said that on the back of the post card it read, "I don't believe this anymore".

It made me think of a talk a friend of mine gave at an EFY I worked at. She talked about self-worth and self-esteem. A lot of people think it goes hand in hand, that they are, in fact, one in the same. This is not the case and I think that's where the world fails itself, especially it's women. Since we were at EFY to illustrate the point she used the following example: let's say you're at the dance and you're looking pretty cute. A slow song starts to play then a boy walks up, looks at you, and walks away. At this moment- you're crushed. You're self-esteem takes a nose dive, it's shattered. It's up to you to reasure yourself that you're still pretty and great. It's a tall order.

Now self-worth it's different. It's when that boys walks away you still know that you are of great worth because you're a daughter of God who loves his children and only wants exceptional things for them. It's knowing that it doesn't matter that the boy walked away because you don't need him. You don't have to reassure yourself at this point because when you just think you're a daughter of God, the spirit floods your soul and tells you it's true. You're not going at it alone.

The campaigns, articles and ads about what the world is doing to it's women with it's "ideal beauty" is all based on self-esteem. We need to build our lives around understanding and relying on our self worth more.

I might not always have the best self-esteem (see the thought process that led to this) but I do have a solid understand of my self-worth, that's why I'm confident, even if I don't always think I'm pretty.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I'm THAT girl... ugh

So in November, before Chad and I ever talked about getting married (but I might have been thinking about it) a friend of his approached him and asked if he would be the Waterfront Director at a Boy Scout Camp this summer. So he said yes thinking it was his last summer to do something like this. So now he's off in the wood of Utah this week for training. Which I am hating. Why? Because he's off in the woods without cell phone service for the entire week and so I have become that girl that is bummed and cried, yes cried, at the airport this morning. So lame.

Chad keeps trying to tell me this is just practice for when he's at the camp and will be gone for a month without cell phone service. I don't even want to think about that. It makes me so depressed... the only nice thing is it's the month before the wedding so I can just throw my all into the final prep for that and pack and stuff...

In order to stay busy this week I've set up a bunch of appointments and dinners and I'm going to start weeding out my closet and stuff in general so I can move across country. Yay busy.... also I'm thinking I'm gonna go to the gym more and sleep more- that will be nice...

Monday, May 2, 2011

big changes and realizations

So Chad got into Columbia... and only Columbia so come end of August we will both be living in New York (hopefully the city and not a suburb...) I'm excited/nervous/scared/happy/proud/stressed/in awe/ every other emotion you could possibly feel.

But today it all finally felt so real. I don't know why it was today... I don't know why it didn't happen when trying on dresses or tasting cake or any of the wedding planning. What made it real was talking to Chad's sister and saying "we". WE are moving to New York, WE are apartment hunting, WE aren't going to be around for Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving etc. WE are going to be in a huge city with a million people, but it's going to be just us 2 as we start building OUR life together.

WOW. I'm excited.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

This is in reference to my friend Brian's Glee-Cap

which you can find here

BRIAN THIS GUY, where did he go???

Deleted

My last two posts were snarky. I don't agree with what a random person said in my comments, but I do know that I accidentally offended/ hurt a family member of mine due to the rash nature of my typing in one of those posts and that's what lead me to delete it.I'm famous for not clearly explaining my thoughts... you would think that when I have the option to go back and read I would do a better job at articulating. but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not concerned about random internet trolls and what they think of me but I do care about my family. I'm sorry.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Saga of the lost ring

UGH the last little bit has been HARD! Last night I went to use the bathroom before I started driving home. As usual I took my ring off to wash my hands. I do this because the ring is slightly large for me so if my hand gets wet my ring slides right off my finger.

Anyway, I was having a bad day and I spaced and just left WITHOUT MY RING! I left work right around 5:50 and by the time I realized at 6:15 I called a co worker who was still at work and it wasn't in the bathroom anymore.

I immediately emailed the biggest company distribution list I knew of letting them all know I left it and please help me get it back. NO RESPONSE! I was a MESS. I couldn't stop crying and feeling horrible. Chad was sooo good about it- he was so sweet reassuring me that it was just a ring and that we can get a new one if needed and that it's not a big deal. That it doesn't mean we're not going to get married or that we're not engaged anymore- that it's just a missing ring. But regardless, I was super upset and just sad.

First thing this morning I checked my email- no response. I was devistated. No only did I have little hope of finding my ring (since I spent the night before digging through trash, crawling on the ground, inspecting every inch of my car and purse) but I had a final interview that day for another job I'm considering. How was I going to be on my game with this hanging over me like a little rain cloud.

When I got in this morning and finished my first thing in the morning meeting I printed up fliers and hung them EVERYWHERE! Still nothing. I was losing hope. As I was sending an email to my last resort, a friend in corporate security who I know has access to video footage of the building, I got an email from someone! It  said:


Hi! I found your ring in the bathroom last night! I put it on my counter today to remind myself to bring it to work but I completely forgot about it. Come by my cube tomorrow to pick it up. =)

HUGE sigh of relief- like so much that my co worker who sits next to me said he heard it and hoped it meant what he thought it did! Oh yay! I still have to wait till tomorrow (I'm at an off site meeting but I'm forgoing lunch to run over to my office and get it) but at least I know who has it and that it's safe. I can't wait to have it back.

My Thursday evening plans? Getting it sized so I have no need to take it off ever again :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I really like this

Okay I'm done after this, but this is an amazing piece of art I have as my background on my phone that I wanted to share. It's called:

Sometimes the Spirit Touches Us Through Our Weaknesses

James Christensen

I'm really excited about this

We just set up our cake tasting/ order build out appointment. I got a sweet Groupon for a custom made 4 tier cake that serves around 150 people so I bought it and now I have an appointment for 90 minutes of cake tasting deliciousness! yay! I already know what I want my cake to look like... like the picture you see right here... but flowers in my colors of course :) And in case you didn't know from the picture (which I expect you don't) those are sugar spun flowers and real leaves and vines. I think it's so beautiful and perfect... I can't wait to order it and get it delivered and then eat it at my wedding! Odds are there will be red velvet under all that frosting with cream cheese butter cream frosting on the outside... so it won't be white but ivory is my guess... Oh I'm so excited!

Did I mention they do free delivery and setup? Oh and that their Yelp page only says great things and I've already talk to them on the phone and they sound like the nicest people in the world? Yay!

An Update of Sorts

I have been feeling very uncreative lately- I don't know what it is, but as evidenced by my blog title I'm kinda lame lately. 

So I've been as good at blogging as I have been sticking to my diet. It's so hard to give up carbs. SO hard! So what I decided to do is not kill myself. I'm going to eat a few of Chad's fries when we go out to dinner. I'm going to get a donut at 10pm when I've had a crappy day and I'm not going to stress over it. 90% of diet is still pretty good when I use to just eat carbs and sugar.

In wedding news everything is SLOWLY coming together. I have a reception venue, a florist, a photographer... and according to the knot I only have 116 more things to-do, ugh! (72 have been completed though) I can't wait till I have more done then to-do. Anyway, I have some time, 108 days to be exact...

I've kinda found my dress. I have a friend that wants to make a dress so what we're going to do is combine my favorite elements from these 2 dresses to make the perfect wedding dress.

The fun elegance of this one and the sexy fun nature of this one. Obviously, both need a modest flare to them. And I'm thinking the time I won't be in my wedding dress I'll be in something like this dress.

Sometimes, it gets really hard to not get Bridezilla on everyone, but I think I'm doing a good job. And that's my life.... which is why I don't blog much anymore

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Limbo

I feel like I'm in a weird limbo. I'm in this middle ground right now. I'm waiting to find out where Chad is going to school so I know if I need to find a new job and move. I'm not really single, but I'm not married.

Because I'm engaged no one really seems to want to be my friend, but because I'm engaged I don't really feel like I much fit in at the single's ward anymore. This is a very weird time. I don't really know if I can explain it properly. Just like I'm stuck between two worlds... and that I can't plan my transition properly.

In other news wedding planning is frustrating and it takes a lot out of me to keep my thoughts, opinions, sassy remarks and brattiness in check while talking to people about it.

My diet is rough. I have sugar cravings like crazy. I lost 3 pounds Monday-Thursday but then Friday for dinner I fell off the wagon, hard and then I stayed off till Monday. It's a hard diet to follow when you're not at home all day and you're busy running around. But I'm back on and I allow myself the littlest treats occasionally (a single chocolate covered mac nut someone brought from Hawaii) so that makes me a lot happier.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Diet Day 3

UGH.  My friend warned me that the first week would be tough. Today has been the worst day of the bad week. All I want are the two things I can't have. Sugar and Carbs. I just want to sit down and eat pasta and bread and candy till I explode.

Okay past that I'm too busy at work... for now...

Monday, April 4, 2011

a medley of thoughts

1. This blog might quickly turn very wedding and diet focused. For those of you opposed to that I say boo to you... this blog is about my life and that's what my life is right now. I don't think most of you will mind though because you're my good friends so you're interested in that right? Well be warned... those will start tomorrow and will most likely involve it would only happen to Michelle type stories so that's fun. But if you're not into it, I'll make the title clear so you can skip to all the other random stuff I'll post.

2. I am excited. I can't talk about much of it, but remember how much I say I hate my job? Well that might change, I am in the early steps of doing something about the hate. Yay me. Keep me and future in your thoughts/prayers. I just pray that I'll be happy with my job, that the right opportunities will present themselves and that if it's good for me and my future family (Chad) that it will work out. Please do the same. :)


3. In response to this talk from the most recent General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I have decided to blog about my testimony. I don't talk about my religion here much because I am very private when it comes to my deep down personal feelings and this is one of those things, but this talk challenged me to do something with the internet and my testimony so here I am :)

My personally held beliefs about my religion:

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, more commonly known as "The Mormons". I think that our name implies something obvious, but to make it certain, I believe that Jesus Christ is the center of my religion. He is the reason that we will be able to live with our Heavenly Father, His mercy will cover us after ALL WE DO. I believe that our Heavenly Father communicates with us through the third member of the Godhead, the Holy Ghost and that the Holy Ghost can be our constant companion if we would like His inspiration and guidance in our lives. I believe that anyone and everyone can receive that personal revelation if they seek out our Heavenly Father's help in earnest and thoughtful prayer. I believe that we have a prophet on the earth today, President Thomas S. Monson. I believe that he communicates with our Heavenly Father and receives revelations from Him to help lead and guide His church and all the members of it. I believe that God's power is here on the earth today through the Priesthood that has been given to men to help further our Heavenly Father's work. I believe the Book of Mormon is scripture. It contains the doctrines that were given to prophets of old and also testifies of our Savior Jesus Christ and his visit to "other sheep, that are not of this {Jerusalem} fold". I believe that Joseph Smith was the instrument of God's hands that He used to bring the gospel to these times. I believe that I am a child of God, a child he loves and knows individually. I believe that a Family can be together FOREVER though this gospel. I know that I can't possibly know everything about the history of each member of my church, the logistics of ancient doctrine or many things people use to tear down the doctrines of my faith, but I do know that I have faith, that the things I don't know I can learn through inspiration and that I don't need to know all the answers and that  I can accept things based solely on the belief that it's not important for me to know for my own individual growth. I know that I can continue to learn and discover the deep doctrines and "hidden treasures" and grow, line upon line, precept upon precept as I strive to be more like my Savior and older brother Jesus Christ.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hi my name is Michelle and I'm a food addict.

After literally throwing crasins in my mouth rapid fire I'm finally able to admit that I have a problem. I am addicted to food- it is my vice.

I have a friend who is an actual member of FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) and she has kindly shared with me their rules. Starting Monday I will be living them. Wish me luck, pray for me and give me pep talks because their rules are NO SUGAR NO CARBS. My friend has lost a good amount of weight on this and I plan on being just like her. She said the first week was rough but that it got better. I know it's going to be HELL for me, but I needs to lose weight. Not just for the wedding but for my happiness and sanity. I've gained weight and I see it in pictures and mirrors and how my clothes fit and I need something to help. I am thinking I will blog each day so you all can keep me on track and yell at me if I cave.

Meal Plan:
Breakfast 6am-8am

8 plain fat free yogurt
1 oz oatmeal
6 oz fruit

Lunch 12 and 2
4 protein
6 cooked/ raw veggies
6 fruit

Dinner 5 and 7
4 protein
8 oz salad 2 oz have to be greens
6 oz veggies
2 tbsp fat

No less than 4 hours no more than 5 between meals


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hasta la vista la clase de Espanol

So I was taking a Spanish class. It was a challenge for me. I've never been very good at foreign languages, but I thought it would be a valuable life skills. It stressed me out... I didn't have time to devote to studying, the teacher taught it as a refresher course instead of a beginning Spanish class and it was Monday and Wednesday nights which means I left work a bit early and then would spend the rest of my night in class.

So as of like 4pm yesterday I had: full time work (away from town 11+ hours a day with commuting), Spanish class, shaky job security, wedding planning, RS activities calling (which might not sound like much but I'm trying to get my committee to help me do more things...), and the possibility that I would need to find a new job and an apartment to live in in a foreign city. Needless to say I was a bit stressed out. I was getting stomachaches (it's called ulcers) and migraines like once a week. That didn't help with the stress level.

Also, did you know that when you're stressed your body produces more Cortisol. In small stress situations it's not a big deal... but when it's extended it can lead to a crappy immune system AND belly fat. See this if you don't believe me. So added to that I was getting fat. In my belly too so I was feeling super gross and fat and didn't have time to work out so there was more stress there.

So basically I was a time bomb ready to explode. And I didn't know what I could do to change it... until I said to myself, "Really? Do you really need Spanish in your life?" I never thought about that. I didn't. So I went online and dropped it. I have had zero regrets. And I can breath a little easier. It's been great for me :)

Friday, March 18, 2011

I guess I should post about this....

I've been a bad blogger... but that's because my free time has been engaged in other activities... Yeah that's right, did you see what I did there? I know you all know already, but I'm engaged!! Yay I'm so excited about it. I'm really so lucky. I never understood how two people met, liked each other, fell in love, wanted to get married and then got married. It was all confusing to me. I never thought the odds were stacked in my favor that it would happen for me. 

I wish I could tell my single readers some magical formula so that they too would solve that problem, but all I can say is that it just was easier with Chad. Everything just came easier with him then the rest of my relationships would... does that make sense?

Anyway, I'm now working on planning a wedding that will be on.... August 5th, 2011; sealing at 11:30am at the Los Angeles Temple with a dessert reception to follow at TBA in the evening... ahhh let the planning begin.

Oh and since you all are my good friends... here's my almost done wedding website for you to look at and let me know what I need to edit!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Rambling thoughts of a sick person

I get sick... A LOT. I use to just power through it at work and be okay... now I opt to stay home... I think that says something about my job satisfaction, but there you go. Anyway, when I am sick I have a lot of random thoughts to share so here they are:

Running: I signed up to do another 5k. This is a scary thing for me because I'm a sprinter. Run .25 miles in 1:25.. no problem, run 3.2 miles in general? Scary. Did I mention I have environmental asthma? SO if we run by a car I will lose like 75% of my lung capacity? blah. Anyway I was going to run every day this week so I could do the 3.2 miles, but I got sick. Awesome. But the nice thing is I'll have a friend running with me! And we get metals. That should keep me running :) 

My Job: When the only thing that keeps me wanting to stay at my job is a plastic rectangle that gets me into Disneyland for free I think it's time I start thinking about a new job eh? I mean it's nice and fun, but at the end of the day I dis-like a lot of the people I work with... that takes a toll on my spirit and in turn my satisfaction on the job. That could be why I don't tough through the sick anymore...

That being said I'm very excited for my next 2 trips to Disneyland. the 17th with Chad and his sister and her husband and the 26th with Chad, Brittany and Brad. 

Groupon: Well if you don't know what that is then you need to do yourself a favor and sign up.... or don't actually. I'm a groupon fiend. I have SO many sitting in my email waiting to be used. I had to email Chad all of what we have so that we use them, here's the list:


$20 to  Nothing Bundt Cakes- expires 28 Apr 11 (I'm thinking this can be used post 5k)
Bikram Yoga- 10 classes expires 17 Aug 11 (We're gonna start using once I'm not sick)
2 tickets to a Flamenco Show and 4 course dinner on a Thursday expires 28 aug 11 (needs to be used before classes at MPCC end)
$60 of jewelry from here (I just wanted more grown up jewelry)
Ventura Comedy Club- we have either 8 tickets for a Wed, Thurs or Sunday show or 2 tickets for a Fri/Sat show- expires 13 Dec 11
2  tickets to a movie that offers Fandago buy online ticketing. Can’t find expiration date :(

and maybe one or two more... I have a problem...

Podcast: I listened to this podcast the other day and I LOVED it. It starts out talking about what it's like to work at The Onion, which to me seems like the coolest job I can never hope to obtain. Then a girl reading tarot cards on a train... just a cool story in general. THEN they talk to some missionaries from my church that are serving in NYC... it was nice hearing them painted in a favorable light on a pretty liberal show. And the final story was about people who cry on airplanes. It made me laugh and then realize that I do cry on airplanes over silly things more than I do on land. I just feel sad on airplanes because I'm always leaving something when I get on them. It's like something or a chapter of my life just ended as I step aboard. That's emotional. So when a movie as silly as Sweet Home Alabama makes some random guy cry I realize it's just the emotions of everything spilling out when they're in that seat. 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Lazy blogger

So I keep starting to write blogs and then I don't finish them. I've been lazy now that my 50 days are over. So what's been on my mind? Lots- here's what I want to share.

I've been told that good managers think 6 months out. They think and plan that far out... so right now I should be thinking in terms of September. Here's the problem... There is a 60% chance that I won't be at this job in 6 months so I feel aimless and floundering and I hate that.

I am not a patient person, but I'm being forced to be a patient person for the next few months and it's killing me and making me flounder. ugh

But, I can't wait for my future to happen :)

Friday, February 25, 2011

day 50: a letter to your reflection in the mirror

Hey there pretty lady,

You are pretty amazing. You're good at what you do, you have a boyfriend that thinks you're a babe and the VP of your company likes you. Oh and you're out of bad debt and you almost own your car. You're making it! Your great, don't stress things will keep being good. You deserve it!

Love,
me


Thursday, February 24, 2011

day 49: hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Wow that's heavy huh? Maybe it's heavy because I have a lot of hopes and dreams for the next 365 days and I don't know what I want to share... maybe I'll just be vauge

  • New Location- I love my parents, but I can't be living there much longer
  • Stability- a lot of decisions are being made the next few months that greatly impact my life, that needs to calm down
  • Gainfully employed- I would like to keep my job (lots of layoffs right now around here) or find a better one
  • I'm super serious about my weight loss now. I track what I eat, I work out so I want to lose weight. Is that so much to ask?
  • Love: I'm in love with an amazing person. He's perfect for me. My hope/dream/goal is that I don't screw it up :)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

day 48: a photo of you right now

I'm getting sick of these... but ya know I gotta finish... anyway here's a photo of me right now. Cool thing to note is that my sweater was my mom's. Like "her senior yr portrait she's rocking it" use to be my mom's. It's so freaking cool with the buttons, but it's so warm that it doesn't get a lot of action in So Cal.


It's a pretty awkward face because I'm at work and I didn't want someone to come by and be thinking I'm weird for taking a picture. 

This picture also tells me I need to keep working on growing my hair... which means I won't be seeing Katie at the salon anytime soon....

Friday, February 18, 2011

day 47: birthday wish list

Well my birthday is about 6 months away and everything I can think of that I want for my birthday I should have by then... well except my Audi TT convertible and judging my diet for today I won't be the size 8 I want to be, but that's my fault and my lack of willpower... so I guess for my birthday I want willpower or to magically lose about 20 pounds...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

day 46: photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, house, ect)

My Family- Christmas 2010 a rough left to right is Crespo family, my parents, Craig and Kristy, Eric/Cassie Dittman family then the single folk.

I got my business cards- finally!

I just love this dress... you can't tell but it's amazing on me... it just needs a little sleeve work to make it modest

This was last Wednesday's schedule... yeah no break

Okay I know it's lame, but we've been officially dating for almost a year... and unofficially for over a year... so we're in love and at a 50's dinner so we decided to be cute

he's mine :)

I have a great butt... and a messy room... but more importantly a great butt

I don't have a picture of my house... but this is my second home

Okay so these aren't the flowers I currently have... but they are similar

the non-human love of my life... seriously he's so cute!

Friday, February 11, 2011

day 45: a letter to yourself a year ago

Dearest Future Michelle,

You're funny. I know life is just starting to turn around right now, but guess what, you're right -- this is your year! You know how you pretty much hate your job and schedule and stuff- it's going to get better. And that silly young boy you're not sure about- it's a good bet and investment. The positive thinking worked. Just stay calm, clinge to your belief that this is your year and good things will happen. Also, the money issues will go away :) 

Just try to not indulge in so much food would you? It would make 2011 easier, but no now you're gonna have to to go to the gym all year to fix what you did in 2010. 

Keep smiling and trusting, you will do great this year. Things will start looking up!

Michelle


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Music has too much influence on me

I LOVE listening to music. I am almost always listening to music. It's on when I'm in the car and it's on when I'm working. I can't even tell you how many conversations I've missed because someone comes and stands behind me at my desk  (or use to because I've graduated to a front facing desk) and I don't know because I have headphones in and I'm rocking out. That being said, music shapes most of my memories and I've come to find out that it shapes my emotions too much. 
Today while at work I was getting very sad and depressed and I realized it's because of this song:



I was so sad. Did I mention that I'm currently madly in love with someone, and he loves me back. In fact he told me that he would get his best friend and disappear off the face of the earth and live in the woods if I dumped him- that's how much he loves me. But this song seriously makes me think that he dumped me. (BMF- I still think about Hawaii...) I guess maybe I relate to the feelings, because I would be so depressed if it ended and there is serious emotion in this song.

So then I put this on:



(Yes I have this on my iPhone...) And I'm madly in love and to the point I want this to be my first dance at my wedding, in love. This happens with lots of the main Disney love song themes. I LOVE them. And they make me want to put on a fancy ball gown and dance.

Music moves me... sometimes I worry if it's too much.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

day 44: something that fascinates you and why

Shy People. haha is that weird to say? I just find them interesting. Here's the thing- I'm not shy, at all. I will say hi to anyone and talk a ton and be the center of attention ALWAYS. I will not only do it, I will thrive in that space. So I do not understand people who are the opposite. They are so very interesting to me and so I'm completely fascinated by them.

I just can't believe that there are people out there that don't want to be the center of attention. The funny thing about that is that my younger brother is one of the most shy people I know and I just don't understand it.

I just don't get it so I'm fascinated by it. It's such a foreign thing to me.

Monday, February 7, 2011

day 43: a picture of your favorite place in the world

So I haven't been here... YET but here's my dream.
Antigua
 And here is my favorite place that I have been to.

Hawaii

Friday, February 4, 2011

day 42: bad habit(s) you have

Ugh I don't really want to highlight these, but here we go-maybe I'll be able to improve them if I tell you all them.
  • I bite my cuticles
  • I check facebook on my phone when I'm with large groups of people
  • When I'm on the phone and not loving the conversation (and I'm not driving) I will start saying " uh huh" and will be playing games on my phone.
  • I drag my feet when I walk

Thursday, February 3, 2011

day 41: whatever tickles your fancy

Today I've been moved by this picture. It is a deep insightful picture for so many reasons and has caused me to think some heavy thoughts.

1. Finally there is proof that humanity is inherently good. That might be an odd thing to say, but lately I've been thinking about it and my view of people in this world is dismal. Everyday I see selfish people who are rude and only care about themselves, And  I know some people might say, "Well, of course, Michelle- you live in LA." Don't worry it happened a lot in Utah too. And don't even get me started on the comments on articles. But, it seems like every time I lose hope something like this happens that restores my faith a bit.

2. Sometimes I think that this country needs a good revolution. Before you call the mental hospital, let me explain. I think that it brings out the worst in people, but it also brings out the best in people. We need more "best" people showing up. I think that sometimes we all get too set on the regular everyday things and don't really think about how lucky we are. We are all so absorbed in the world we live in that we don't stop and notice the complacent state we're in. We except our government to do everything for us- and even when they don't we don't really care- we might complain to someone, but would we ever take the time and effort to bring about change? Would we be like the people in Egypt that are now saying, enough is enough, or even are we being like our Founding Fathers, who didn't care about the tax, but the principles behind it and decide to take a stand? We don't have that passion anymore.

3. We have it good. People might call us names if we were to knee down and pray in a public area, but you wouldn't be risking your life to do so. You wouldn't need a human shield to protect you while you worship. As a somewhat persecuted religious minority I will say that even when people HATED me for being Mormon never once was my life, even remotely, in question. I mean I know a few people whose car got keyed- but really what is that compared to life?

4. Passion/Faith- These people are passionate, first about their beliefs- they wanted to practice it even if it meant death. That is Faith in what you believe. Second they're passionate about religious tolerance. If you read the article below the picture it talks about how a few months prior the Muslims did the same things for the Christians of Egypt. They're passionate in believing that it's okay to worship, wherever and however you want.

5. Brotherhood. These men were willing to give their life for their fellow countryman. That is a bond. That is a brotherhood- that is putting someone else before yourself. There is an emotional reaction for all when they hear that because, deep down, every one knows what that means. It's the ultimate sacrifice, and these people are doing for people they probably don't know too well, or even associate with that much. They're doing it  because they want to practice what they believe.

So now I have to internalize it- would I do that- would I be willing to lay my life down for another because my belief in tolerance is so strong? Would I be willing to step up and say that I've been taught that the worth of even one soul is so great to God that my life should be used to protect it? I sure hope so- and I know that we'll all be okay if we're willing to at least ask ourselves those questions.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

day 40: a letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Walt Disney,

Every day of my career I get at least one email shaming us because we're ruining your vision and that you would never do what we do today with your company. Would you please clarify if you would charge premium prices for premium experiences or not? Also, would you operate a business or a non-profit? Just curious.

Love

Michelle


Monday, January 31, 2011

day 39: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality

So if you really want to know a ton about Leo's here's the super crazy long explanation

Basically it says my good traits are: 
Generous and warmhearted
Creative and enthusiastic
Broad-minded and expansive
Faithful and loving
                                                                               
And that my bad traits are: 
Pompous and patronizing
Bossy and interfering 
Dogmatic and intolerant


So yeah, with that being said I think we all know that I am very much a Leo. In fact, I have a co-worker that after working with me for 2 days asked if I was a Leo. He said he could spot it a mile away, but don't worry to him it was a compliment because he was a Leo too. 

I was scanning the long one and here are my cliff notes, feel free to skip this, it's long but I find it interesting and a pretty good description of me :)
  • The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters.
  • They are at their most effective when in a position of command, their personal magnetism and innate courtesy of mind bringing out the best of loyalty from subordinates.
  • If jealously suspicious of rivals, they will not hesitate to use cunning, lies and trickery to discredit them. Self-centeredness, greed for flattery, boastfulness, and bombast, pomposity, snobbish superiority, and overbearing  
  • Add to them a passion for luxury, a lust for power, unlimited sexual lust, and emotional indulgence
  • In professional life they do well at any vocation at which there is room at the top. 
  • If from the artisan ranks of society they will aspire to become the boss, partly because they are ambitious by nature, partly because they dislike manual labor, preferring to take charge of others doing it.
  • In his or her relations with others the Leo type is open, sincere, genuine and trusting. Outgoing, spontaneously warm hearted and plain spoken, though never lacking in kindliness, Leos are more disillusioned than the average if let down by those they trust.
  • (okay this is just funny) Physiologically, Leo governs the upper back, forearms, wrist, spine and heart. Its natives are subject to a number of ailments: pain in the back and lungs, spinal complaints, diseases of the heart and blood, sickness in ribs and sides, convulsions, pleasantries, violent burning fevers including, in former days, when they were prevalent, plague, pestilence, jaundice, and some afflictions of the eyes.
  • People are attracted to Leo's zest for life and their warm spirit. They have the ability to lift up one's spirits and provide encouragement when times are rough. Their enthusiasm attracts people, Leos are social butterflies, not because they want to be but because people always naturally gravitate and surround the Leo. Leos are very difficult people to not like, they are usually fairly balanced, realistic people. They never dwell on the past and they will think you are strange if you do. Some Leos might be too caught up in themselves and be very self-centered but they are never too self-absorbed to help anyone who needs it. They pamper their friends and treat them well. A Leo is the ultimate friend. They do not hold a grudge and they are very forgiving. They have respect and understanding of people's differences.
  • Leos are extremely sensitive but they hide that very well. Leos love praise and flattery, their egos demand respect and adoration. Leo is all about pride. This can cause them to be self-centered but the warmth of the Leo heart keeps it under control. If Leo's audience (otherwise known as their friends) do not provide the needed appreciation, Leo is too proud to ask for it and they will suffer a hurt ego, but no one will ever know and they will suffer in silence. The secret of the Leo is that they need to be needed.
  • Leo will never settle for second best. They want only the best which can cause lavish excessive spending habits as they enjoy their life of luxury, which is all to easily justified by the grand and magnificent Leo! Public image is very important to Leo, with luxurious possessions and ways of life, this keeps the public image in high standing. They will do whatever it takes to protect their own reputation.
  • Leos are very generous, kind and openhearted people. If a Leo is crossed, they will strike back with force but they are not one to hold a grudge, they easily forgive, forget and move on. Leos are always trying to make things right in the world, they have larger then life emotions and they need to feel like they have accomplished something at the end of the day.

And finally:

What it's like to date a Leo Woman:

The first step is to give her praise and adoration. The relationship will never work if she does not receive this from you. Do not look at other women when you are with her, she has to be the only one in your eyes. The thought of competition with other women completely turns her off, for she is marvelous and grand and better then any other woman (in her eyes)! Be prepared however to compete with other men. She attracts men, deliberately or not, because of her dazzling personality. She makes a good partner because she gives undying affection and love and makes you feel really mood about yourself. She is kind and supportive with an adventurous streak, she is always fun to be with. Leo woman will dominate,. But not completely for she still needs the man to lead the way and give her the desired sense of approval, she looks up to her man. Leo woman is perfect for the man who is affectionate and has a strong character but not too controlling. She needs someone who is passionate about everything in their life and who strives for the best in everything, because so does she.

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