Hello friends,
Something has been weighing on my mind quite a bit and I
thought maybe just writing it out would help. Since this is a personal thought, it’s on my blog, not the one Chad and I have.
I am going to start out this post by saying that
any rude comments will be deleted.
I write this here because I need advice, if you have any. I
am not writing this to get others involved and wish no ill will to the
offenders, but I’ve been upset for too long and I carry it around too much and
it consumes me. I don’t want it to consume me anymore, but I don’t know how to
stop it.
I am having a hard time forgiving two people in my life
right now and I don’t know how to get over the hump. Because I don’t want to
offend or drag anyone into my bias you’re only going to get basic fact:
Friend 1- said something very hurtful to me, which really
struck a cord because it was hypocritical and cutting. There was very little
base to it besides the gossip of others. It has made me not want to be a friend
to that person anymore, but we have a long history of friendship and I don’t
want to throw it all away, but it seems like it’s been far too long now to
bring it up and that it hurt my feelings. But how do I forgive and forget? Is
it worth it? Should I bother trying to preserve a “friendship” where I now
believe that this person can’t possibly know me very well at all if they truly
believe what they said to me?
Friend 2- did something that hurt me greatly. What they did
has tarnished a very happy memory for me. I know for a fact they knew that what
they were doing was going to be hurtful to me because they tried to keep me
from finding out about it as long as possible. They also didn’t actually tell
me, they let me find out through the grapevine. It’s not anything they can fix,
nor did they try/consider to when other implied it might be upsetting to me.
How do I do it? How do I forgive? I don’t want to still be
upset, I don’t want to immediately think about how they have hurt me every time
I think of them, and I don’t want to have this angry wall up, but I’m at a impasse.
I am no good at confrontation, and honestly I think in both cases it would do
more harm then good.
I usually am quite good at forgiving and I don’t typically
carry a grudge, so I guess I’ve never needed to really develop the talent of
forgiveness very much so now it feels like it’s an impossible feat. Blah… any
words of wisdom/ advice?
Comments
I am sorry for the things that were said to you by people you thought were friends. My only advice at this time is to pray. Use the atonement to strengthen you, to help you have the ability to forgive those that have hurt you. It will take time. It will not be instantaneous. You may still feel hurt, angry, upset for a long while, but eventually, those feelings will fade, and you will find that you are able to forgive those individuals. Things may never be the same with you and these individuals, because you may never forget what was said, but if you truly want to forgive, you will no longer feel anger towards them and the situation.
Focus on the good in your life, the positives, the benefits you provide just by being you, focus on the present, don't dwell in the past, look forward to the future, and remember those people who love you, and most importantly, that God loves you, no matter what faults you think you have.
Forget those friends, I'm the only one you need! JK. This is what I have decided about friendship and people in general. People aren't perfect. We make mistakes. We are sometimes rude, inconsiderate, selfish, hurtful. We don't always think before we act, we don't always evaluate how our actions will impact others. We are DUMB.
Knowing this I tend to be an optimist. So I also tend to give others the benefit of the doubt, accept their mistakes/shortcomings and move on. Forgiveness comes easily for me. Sometimes too easily. And sometimes that ability can lead to continued heartache.
I had a similar situation to yours earlier this year. What once had been a fruitful friendship had somehow turned sour, and while I decided to forgive and forget, I also struggled to maintain a positive rewarding friendship. My efforts were not reciprocated. So one day I stopped trying and I haven't regretted it since.
If a friendship causes more hurt and more stress than it offers joy and refuge from all of the other crap we have to put up with, it isn't true friendship.
Girl, you are an AMAZING friend, and for someone to even think about jeopardizing your friendship means they are CRAZY! I don't know about you, but I got no time for crazies!
You'll figure it out. Love ya!