Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The Knife in my back

I am not okay today. I am allowed to not be okay. Please stop trying to silence me and tell me it will be okay. I am allowed to feel like things are horrible and you don't get to take my voice away.

Why am I not okay? Because yesterday my country told me that they want a sexual assaulter to represent them.

By electing this man I re-live that horrible night in 2004 when my voice was taken away. Every time the soon to-be leader of my country speaks I am going to re-live that moment, because when I see that man; I see the man that assaulted me and tried to take my voice away. When I see my country's future leader I have to re-live all the shame, blame and trauma that I fought to pull myself through. I re-live the panic attacks and the breakdowns and the fear.  So no, it will not be okay. **I** am not okay today, and it may take a long time for me to be okay.

I want all my friends to understand my anger and hurt are NOT because my candidate lost. It's because that man won.

Re-living this though, it has caused a fire to burn within me I didn't know was there. I know now, what I didn't know then, that I have a voice and I have a right to be heard and I will be heard. 

To all my friends who have similar battles in your heart today because of this man- I will fight with you. I will stand with you, and I will do my best to protect you. Tell me how I can support you and I will.

But today, today I mourn. Today I cry. Today I let myself feel the hurt because tomorrow and for the next four years I will fight.