This will most likely be a whiny post, so before I begin I want to say I am thankful that I have a steady paycheck that allows me to support the love of my life while he goes to school. I have an adorable dog who makes me smile and really compared to some life is just fine.
That's my issue though... it's just fine. I'm sitting here completely demotivated... I absolutely hate my job... like more than I can express in words, but I think if anyone I worked with at Disney could see me and how I work now they would think someone body swapped me. I am always late, I just can't get out of bed to get here on time. I give the bare minimum; I didn't use to but you get so sick of hearing no and I'll consider it or I'll let someone know and then nothing happens. I'm rarely smiling, I let deadlines slip without caring. WHO AM I????
The number of times my Manager has flat out lied to my face is actually shocking- no pause no nervous look, but a flat out lie. It makes me so uncomfortable that she is so comfortable with it. I just can't respect her on a basic level... we won't even get into the fact that she's been promoted way past her level of competence or that Nespresso just moves people around instead of firing them when they don't do their job well...
It's just been difficult for me because I just wonder why I'm still here, that's the hard thing. I have now turned down 3 jobs because of this one... and I know it was the right thing to do, at least it felt right, but why does the "right thing" make me so incredibly miserable?
I know there is an end in sight. I made Chad promise that I get to quit soon. That we need to do something new and exciting... and odds are we'll be leaving New York to do that anyway... but that seems so far away right now.
I guess it's good to know that I'm pretty certain I'm ready for a career change unless a great project comes along. But what? I have gone through so many different ideas and plans... I just wish I knew where life was trying to push me....
Comments
Quit that stupid job and I'll quit mine and we can walk batman and eat bagels in central park all day long.
Or...
We can keep working the same old grind day in and day out knowing that we do it for the paycheck because our awesomeness does not come from where we work. It comes from everything we do outside of work.
If you ask me I'm happy you're late for work every day! It just means you don't take your job more seriously than you should.
I love you. Let's chat soon.