Skip to main content

It's getting kinda nervous in here

Do you speak Michellese? It's a very weird language full of words with different meanings, large words that are quite verbose and that people don't expect to be part of it, and general modification of word tenses. Who says it can't get nervous somewhere?

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about... I wanted to talk about the fact that I am a nervous person, that it is, in fact, getting a bit nervous in here.

It's not that I'm nervous like one of those jumpy people that are constantly twitching I'm just at a point in my life where I'm nervous about a lot of things.

For instance, my life. Let me explain... I am not a lucky person... and I'm really okay with that. I truly believe that God gives you one of two traits when it comes to luck either you're lucky or you're blessed with the ability to laugh at your unluckiness. I was thinking about going through my friends to list a few examples... but I think that might lead to more drama then I currently want in my life, so just know that there are 2 camps... and you're in one or the other.

So anyway, I have come to terms with this unluckiness... I think that happened in 6th grade when I was roller skating, like all good 6th graders do, and my skate manages to find the one little lip in the wood floor. The next thing I know an old man in spandex shorts (sooo not okay) is rubbing my head. When that happens to you at a young age you realize that you're not destined to have an easy life.

Anyway I'm happy with it, I laugh a lot and my friends get a nice chuckle out of my misadventures... which I really need to start posting here more. So I've come to terms right? Well here's the problem with it- right now I feel incredibly lucky so I'm nervous. Here's why I feel lucky, and in turn nervous.
  • I have more money than I can spend in a week currently- it's been a very long while since I could say that
  • I have a great job with a great title, with a great paycheck, with a great boss, with a great company
  • I currently have a very cute boy in my life that I get to kiss pretty much whenever I want (that's the end of the mushy I promise)
  • I love the ward I'm in and the calling I have in said ward
  • I have a great network of friends that are always there for me
  • I'm not currently injured or sick
  • I get a lot of Facebook comments, which we all know means that I'm cool!
  • I am invited to do more things than I have time for (other proof I'm cool)
  • I'm losing weight and it hasn't been this giant struggle
yeah that's a lot of good things so I'm a bit nervous. Life has never gone along swimmingly/without a hitch/ perfectly for me so I kinda feel like I'm standing here waiting to see what's going to crumble first.


I've found it's easy to be optimistic for others... but for my life I guess the cup is always half empty. I'm trying to not think that things will crumble now and being positive... but really spandex shorts seem to haunt me and tell me otherwise.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Rules of Dieting

Hi my name is Michelle and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and dieting and the small amount of fat that resides on my mid section. There is something empowering and depressing about this all at once. It's empowering because I recognize it and I can sometimes remember it and control my brain, but it's depressing because I'm sure it's something that will only be fixed by therapy and time and I don't want to put in the work. Also, as a MO it's really one of the few vices I get... and really there are worse vices. As some of you know I was in the running to be on a infomercial. With it came food delivered to my door (no eating out of the box!) and 6 day a week, butt kicking bootcamp classes. The food was pretty yummy (although left me very hungry) and I really enjoyed the bootcamp after the first week of being so sore I could barely move. But then things started going wrong. First, it was HARD to stay on track when people around me were e...

That amazing thing I alluded to...

So the other week on Facebook I alluded to being a small part in a very wonderful thing. Now that I've taken some time to mull over it I think I can share a bit of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, I get really down on the world. I think people are just selfish, unfeeling and cold. That no one cares much about anyone outside of their immediate small circle. I feel like I see it daily in the news, on Facebook and all around me. It breaks my heart. The other day I was reminded that I was wrong. Thank goodness. To be honest (which if I can't be honest on my blog where the heck can I be) I have been incredibly depressed these last few months we've been in China. I'm lonely, (love ya Chad, but I'm an extrovert) I've been sick almost constantly and I just want to leave. I have been thinking about how the $760 plane change ticket might be worth it. A year is a long time to spend in a random Chinese town. Anyway, right at the depths of the depression someone name...

big changes and realizations

So Chad got into Columbia... and only Columbia so come end of August we will both be living in New York (hopefully the city and not a suburb...) I'm excited/nervous/scared/happy/proud/stressed/in awe/ every other emotion you could possibly feel. But today it all finally felt so real. I don't know why it was today... I don't know why it didn't happen when trying on dresses or tasting cake or any of the wedding planning. What made it real was talking to Chad's sister and saying "we". WE are moving to New York, WE are apartment hunting, WE aren't going to be around for Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving etc. WE are going to be in a huge city with a million people, but it's going to be just us 2 as we start building OUR life together. WOW. I'm excited.