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Introspective

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“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” -The Wonder Years


Note to Self: Watch more The Wonder Years... seriously use to love that show.

So, I use to be a lot more hyper... like crazy hyper. Like actually bouncing off the walls and crazy fun. Sometimes I still get that way... but I've mellowed out a lot lately. I use to think that I've lost a bit of myself... the whole selling out and chaining my soul to corporate America (great imagery for me here) killing my youth and fun... but I realized it's more growing up then it is selling out.

~ The trick is growing up without growing old.

It's not like I'm not fun... I'm just more steady. For example, last night I went to watch the meteor show... 3 years ago I wouldn't have been able to lay still there for more than like 2 minutes without talking and moving... but last night I'm pretty certain I could have just stayed there for hours just laying there, chatting occasionally, pointing out meteors and just being in the moment.

On my drive home last night (when I didn't have the radio playing- another sign) I was thinking about it and wondering if I'm fun. I wonder if normal people wonder that, anyway, I was thinking about that and if I'm fun and who I am now and I realized it's not that I'm not fun anymore... it's just that with life I roll with the punches, I learn from them and I've grown up and matured because of them. It's okay that I'm not the crazy girl anymore... that I'm who I should be. I'm still fun, but I can enjoy the things that mile a minute Michelle use to miss.

~ If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again. ~

I've grown up enough to know that sometimes plans change, but it's always for the better; that sometimes the best thing to do is leap into the unknown hoping you made the right choice; that you can find joy and fun in the simple moments not just the elaborate ones; that sometimes you need to let go to truly move on and that joy comes from within.

~ The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
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