Digressive Ramblings

So our branch in church does this thing where there is an RS newsletter. It's so we feel more connected since there are many of us that live in a city by ourselves. I never really wanted to contribute to them, I don't know why, but since I visit teach the woman who is in charge of the newsletter when she asked me to write something I couldn't really say no. She asked me to write on the topic of what I am truly grateful for. While writing it I thought this would be a good thing to post on my blog since I haven't updated it in forever. So here it is! What I am truly grateful for:  One of the biggest struggles I have is that I suffer from depression; both seasonal and, at times, a mildly crippling case of just general depression. It can get to be very overwhelming for me and leads me to retreat from life sometimes. So one thing I am truly thankful for is the friendships I have made with my family members and with friends I have made all around the world. The hardest...

Hi my name is Michelle and I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and dieting and the small amount of fat that resides on my mid section. There is something empowering and depressing about this all at once. It's empowering because I recognize it and I can sometimes remember it and control my brain, but it's depressing because I'm sure it's something that will only be fixed by therapy and time and I don't want to put in the work. Also, as a MO it's really one of the few vices I get... and really there are worse vices. As some of you know I was in the running to be on a infomercial. With it came food delivered to my door (no eating out of the box!) and 6 day a week, butt kicking bootcamp classes. The food was pretty yummy (although left me very hungry) and I really enjoyed the bootcamp after the first week of being so sore I could barely move. But then things started going wrong. First, it was HARD to stay on track when people around me were e...

So as I ride the train and read I start thinking about the stories I would put in my book so I started making a list. So to hold me accountable for writing them at some point I will now give you the list of topics I want to write on...   Dating in general Worst date in HS  Worst date in college  Worst date ever  Best date in HS  Best date in college  Best date ever  Childhood  First memory  Worst nightmare  Best day  Scariest thing  The day I found out I was chubby  High School  Day I realized I should just embrace me and not worry  My group of friends  How to decide what college to attend College  The beautiful butterfly  learning to love myself  My roommates  working in Logan UT  The internship politicking  Graduation Lost love Adult life First job Law school dreams and destroyed Botched Interview ...

This will most likely be a whiny post, so before I begin I want to say I am thankful that I have a steady paycheck that allows me to support the love of my life while he goes to school. I have an adorable dog who makes me smile and really compared to some life is just fine. That's my issue though... it's just fine. I'm sitting here completely demotivated... I absolutely hate my job... like more than I can express in words, but I think if anyone I worked with at Disney could see me and how I work now they would think someone body swapped me. I am always late, I just can't get out of bed to get here on time. I give the bare minimum; I didn't use to but you get so sick of hearing no and I'll consider it or I'll let someone know and then nothing happens. I'm rarely smiling, I let deadlines slip without caring. WHO AM I???? The number of times my Manager has flat out lied to my face is actually shocking- no pause no nervous look, but a flat out lie. It make...

In college I use to always make sure I checked Post Secret everyday. I loved it; the site made me laugh, cry and feel. I related to posts or I felt blessed because I did not relate. But then, over time I checked it less and less frequently- I missed it sometimes, the secrets were always interesting to me, but life got busy and usually when I thought of the site it was at all the inopportune times when I couldn't visit the site for a variety of reasons. But now that I'm at a job that isn't busy and usually the resources I need to do my job are almost always broken I have a lot of free time to browse the web. This has brought me back to Post Secret and I've found something has changed. I don't love it anymore and I don't know why. Is it Post Secret? I don't think so- why would the format change? Why would the secrets change? So I guess that means I have. But how have I changed? I don't think I've ever been too angsty as a teen or during my col...

Here's the essay I had to write for a job I was offered but turned down for my current job. It made sense- it was less pay and worse hours (overnight shift and graveyard) but sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I took this one instead... Anyway the question (in case you don't pick it up by the intro sentence) was what are you most proud of and why? As I have contemplated what I'm most proud of, it was quite difficult to pinpoint one singular thing. I just could not decide. Then finally it dawned on me, I'm most proud of me! I have done many things with my life that I'm proud of. I have moved across the country on a whim, based on a promising internship, knowing no one, something I had never done before. I have moved, but it was always with someone else. I always had a safety net to my adventures, but this time I didn't know a soul. During that internship I learned a lot about myself that I'm proud of. I learned how to be independent, that it...

Do not read this unless you have read this .... he's one of my musings that was perhaps meant for an intro... Everyone thinks that the worst thing in life is being picked last in gym class, but as a few of us can attest to it's not. The kids picked last- those are your Steve Jobs and Egdar Allen Poes of the world. They failed so significantly at gym (I assume) because they were destined for greatness. They were the first picks of the science and art worlds.They had promise. No the worst is being picked about 6th from the last. You're the best of the worst. The two uber jocks the teacher picked to captain the teams finally make their way to the end of the picking and you're still up there looking around and thinking, "seriously you'd rather her? The girl whose asthma prohibits her from moving quicker than a slow walk?" See being the best of the worst means you still care. I would stand there in the gym and think "I'm going to save the day in ...

I, along with probably everyone else, have always toyed with the idea of writing a book. So at different points in my life I have written small parts and bits and pieces of what my book would be about. Would it be about my dating shenanigans? Would it just be the story of a random slightly above average person's life? How about all the crazy dreams I've had (BORING)? Anyway, I thought maybe I would start sharing my excerpts on my blog because really, I don't have time to sit down and write an entire book, I just write snippets of thoughts while I'm on the subway in the notes app on my phone. So enjoy, and if you are an awesome book publisher and want to pay me to quit my job and write a whole book then leave a comment. I get email notifications for comments and I check my email obsessively so you'll hear back from me in no time.